I Have Pregnancy Blues (self-diagnosed)
I am currently 35 weeks pregnant. I decided not to do a pregnancy journal on Teen Toddler Newborn. I didn’t want to bombard you with pregnancy related personal posts and “updates”. It really isn’t my “thing”. So I am going to just do an overall post with some personal thoughts and feelings. There will be some reviews coming up with more pregnancy related content like creating a birth plan and what is in my delivery bag, but this will be all personal 🙂
If you have been following long enough you might know that this is my 3rd pregnancy. Here is a little history about our family. Amber was born when I was 17. My husband was my boyfriend at the time and we had been together for 2 years. Obviously the pregnancy was a surprise… Charlotte was a journey that deserves a post all on it’s own (maybe even a 2 or 3 part series) When Amber was 2 I stopped birth control for a few reasons. I had been thinking about another baby but at 19 we weren’t ready but I wasn’t really preventing. When Amber was in Kindergarten, we decided to actually “try” and since we had been off of any birth control we saw a doctor. Our insurance only allowed testing for infertility if you enrolled in a special program. Neither of us liked the idea of needing a “program” to label us as infertile so we kept trying on our own. We were able to convince my gynecologist to do some testing because I had very irregular cycles, sometimes only once a year. They found nothing. We moved to another state and the new doctor was shocked that it had been a year since my last cycle. She induced a cycle with progesterone and did hormone testing on day 3 of my cycle and found that I have PCOS. This was based on 2 normal hormones being “flip-flopped” one should be higher than the other but they were backwards. After 3 months of medication, I was pregnant with Charlotte!
10 years after Amber we had Charlotte! Knowing that I have PCOS and it would take extra effort and medication to get pregnant again we did nothing after having Charlotte. Still breastfeeding Charlotte and having had only one cycle since her birth I never imagined I would become pregnant again. I was sent pregnancy test to do a blog review on for another blog. The first I took on a Tuesday, negative as suspected. That Sunday was Mother’s Day. I still had several tests left. Hubby was making breakfast with the kids while I was in bed and I thought “what the heck, I have to pee anyway. Lets do another test so I can get better pictures for the review” To my amazement it was positive! That brings me to today…
In the beginning of my pregnancy I didn’t want it to end! We both knew that this would be our last child. It was a miracle. We found out it was a boy and figured it was simply meant to be. I love being pregnant! I try to enjoy every movement I feel. I love feeling the bond that is already being created!
With just over 4 weeks left, I am starting to get sad that it will be over. I am realizing that I am never going to feel this again. While I am excited to meet him, I know I will miss his hiccups and cartwheels. I know where he is, I know he is safe and I can talk to him all the time. He doesn’t talk back or make messes, right now he is always there. When he is born I will have to leave him with Hubby while I work. I did feel some of this with Charlotte but this time it is much stronger because I know it is my last.
I suppose I am lucky that I get to know and choose that this is my final pregnancy. When we were being told that we may not get pregnant, it wasn’t my choice and that was very difficult to handle. Being able to make the choice is something that I am grateful for. I am very blessed with my family and if we could afford it I would have many more children.
I really wonder if feeling depressed during pregnancy is any indication of postpartum depression. I only experienced some slight sadness and heightened emotional issues with the other two. And not really anything during pregnancy.
I really want to thank you for taking the time to read this post. It makes me feel a little better to have shared my feelings. I’m sure I’m not alone but not sharing can make you feel like nobody understands. I would love to hear your stories if you also feel like sharing!