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I Have Pregnancy Blues (self-diagnosed)

December 23, 2012

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant. I decided not to do a pregnancy journal on Teen Toddler Newborn. I didn’t want to bombard you with pregnancy related personal posts and “updates”. It really isn’t my “thing”. So I am going to just do an overall post with some personal thoughts and feelings. There will be some reviews coming up with more pregnancy related content like creating a birth plan and what is in my delivery bag, but this will be all personal 🙂

If you have been following long enough you might know that this is my 3rd pregnancy. Here is a little history about our family. Amber was born when I was 17. My husband was my boyfriend at the time and we had been together for 2 years. Obviously the pregnancy was a surprise… Charlotte was a journey that deserves a post all on it’s own (maybe even a 2 or 3 part series) When Amber was 2 I stopped birth control for a few reasons. I had been thinking about another baby but at 19 we weren’t ready but I wasn’t really preventing. When Amber was in Kindergarten, we decided to actually “try” and since we had been off of any birth control we saw a doctor. Our insurance only allowed testing for infertility if you enrolled in a special program. Neither of us liked the idea of needing a “program” to label us as infertile so we kept trying on our own. We were able to convince my gynecologist to do some testing because I had very irregular cycles, sometimes only once a year. They found nothing. We moved to another state and the new doctor was shocked that it had been a year since my last cycle. She induced a cycle with progesterone and did hormone testing on day 3 of my cycle and found that I have PCOS. This was based on 2 normal hormones being “flip-flopped” one should be higher than the other but they were backwards. After 3 months of medication, I was pregnant with Charlotte!

10 years after Amber we had Charlotte! Knowing that I have PCOS and it would take extra effort and medication to get pregnant again we did nothing after having Charlotte. Still breastfeeding Charlotte and having had only one cycle since her birth I never imagined I would become pregnant again. I was sent pregnancy test to do a blog review on for another blog. The first I took on a Tuesday, negative as suspected. That Sunday was Mother’s Day. I still had several tests left. Hubby was making breakfast with the kids while I was in bed and I thought “what the heck, I have to pee anyway. Lets do another test so I can get better pictures for the review” To my amazement it was positive! That brings me to today…

In the beginning of my pregnancy I didn’t want it to end! We both knew that this would be our last child. It was a miracle. We found out it was a boy and figured it was simply meant to be. I love being pregnant! I try to enjoy every movement I feel. I love feeling the bond that is already being created!

With just over 4 weeks left, I am starting to get sad that it will be over. I am realizing that I am never going to feel this again. While I am excited to meet him, I know I will miss his hiccups and cartwheels. I know where he is, I know he is safe and I can talk to him all the time. He doesn’t talk back or make messes, right now he is always there. When he is born I will have to leave him with Hubby while I work. I did feel some of this with Charlotte but this time it is much stronger because I know it is my last.

I suppose I am lucky that I get to know and choose that this is my final pregnancy. When we were being told that we may not get pregnant, it wasn’t my choice and that was very difficult to handle. Being able to make the choice is something that I am grateful for. I am very blessed with my family and if we could afford it I would have many more children.

I really wonder if feeling depressed during pregnancy is any indication of postpartum depression. I only experienced some slight sadness and heightened emotional issues with the other two. And not really anything during pregnancy.

I really want to thank you for taking the time to read this post. It makes me feel a little better to have shared my feelings. I’m sure I’m not alone but not sharing can make you feel like nobody understands. I would love to hear your stories if you also feel like sharing!

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. December 23, 2012 12:57 pm

    OH girl….feel very very lucky. I lost my only child 2 years ago and though it’s heart breaking…I am lucky to have the chance to be a Mommie…Again – we now raise his son.

    Feel very very lucky you will have three. Please update us with a family photo. Merry Christmas!!
    Mommie…Again
    http://www.mommieagain.com

  2. Christy Maurer permalink
    December 23, 2012 12:57 pm

    Awwww! Big HUGS! I am in that depressed state too lately but it is because my babies are 18 and 15!! My daughter will graduate this year and my son is a freshman in high school. Just cherish every moment you have with all of them. You know you have 2 great helpers for the baby too. I know I was sad when I wasn’t going to have anymore because my husband decided he was too old to have more kids. But in reality it is good we only have 2 because of the finances. Take care of yourself!

    • December 23, 2012 1:09 pm

      Thanks Christy! It was pretty weird when I was taking my 12 year old to get feminine products while pregnant. bittersweet is more the word I guess. She is getting so much older but I still have the littles to remind me how she used to be. What will I do when they are that old? LOL

  3. December 23, 2012 1:32 pm

    Good luck with your delivery! I had my son when I was 18 and his sister 11 yrs later. I really love that age gap because he is such a big helper! We would love to have a 3rd baby but just don’t know if we can afford it. Congrats mama!

    • December 26, 2012 1:15 pm

      Ya we were not even in the discussion stage for having a 3rd! But someone out there thought the time was right! Being able to afford it or not… But I always hear “you find a way to afford it” which what I am going with! Good luck to you!

      • December 26, 2012 2:23 pm

        Thanks! My 1st wasn’t planned but the 2nd we just said that God wouldn’t give us more than we could handle if it happened or not. I agree that you will never feel like you can “afford” it but you DO find a way! 🙂

  4. Jennifer H permalink
    December 23, 2012 2:34 pm

    awww it’s okay to have those feelings. What a great journey and miracle! It will all be worth it when you look in baby boy’s eyes!

    • December 26, 2012 1:17 pm

      Thanks Jennifer! I know it will be worth it. Just sad to see one journey end… even with another one beginning.

  5. December 23, 2012 2:48 pm

    I feel Like Christy, My children are 18 years and 14 years and sometimes I wish I had another baby. My husband and I decided 4 years ago that we didn’t want anymore children, Devon who is 18 and Autistic takes up a lot of our energy, I love him to pieces though.

    • December 26, 2012 1:20 pm

      I think I will always want to have another one… no matter how old I get, lol.

  6. kelly thompson permalink
    December 23, 2012 3:48 pm

    sweet post!

  7. Jenni B permalink
    December 26, 2012 5:08 pm

    This was great to read and kind of touched my heart. My husband (boyfriend at the time) got pregnant when I was 19, and I had my son when I turned 20. He is 7 months old and he is the greatest blessing. I miss being pregnant so much though. He wants to play instead of cuddling, so it’s great to see him try new things, but I miss when he was just mine. Now he only wants me to nurse, and then he goes back to cruising the furniture. I cannot imagine not ever being pregnant again because I had such a great time! I wanted kids, but I never knew how amazing it was to be pregnant. Everyone forgets to tell people that part!

    • December 28, 2012 6:25 am

      I think that is part of why I nursed so long. I would probably still be nursing if the doctor didn’t tell me to stop. It is the only time they will sit still and just be cuddled. I hope you have many more healthy happy pregnancies!

  8. December 26, 2012 5:35 pm

    Thank you for sharing this- I have been experiencing similar feelings and your post has encouraged me to be more mindful of them.

    • December 28, 2012 6:21 am

      I think it definitely helps to recognize feelings before they take over. I’m glad I could help you, even if it’s only in a small way. Thank you for reading!

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